Broken

The Beloved told me that last night at a Swell Season (excellent band) concert someone committed suicide. He climbed on top of the venue (a winery in California) and jumped down. He landed on stage, feet away from the band members. Doctors were unable to revive him.

I am heartbroken over this.

Before I was diagnosed with depression years ago, I thought of people that took their own life as selfish. I didn't realise that there's a state of mind where you can think that it would be so much easier for your loved ones if you weren't there. That there's a state of mind where all you can think about is not existing.
The fact that someone was in so much pain that somewhere during the show he left his seat to climb up and jump down breaks my heart. The fact that maybe he waited until he heard his favourite song for the last time breaks my heart. The fact that nobody realised, knew, was able to help ...

And then there's the people who were helpless witnesses: the band that has to play another gig tonight, the people in the audience that have to find a way to live with it, move on. I can't imagine how hard it must be for them.

This may not be the best (or biggest) platform, but please, if you see a loved one struggling, or if you are struggling yourself, reach out to them, reach out to someone.

(Sorry to be such a downer, regular programming will continue tomorrow)