Life....

at the moment. Waking up at 4 o clock and not being able to sleep further, worry. Getting out of bed at 6 hungry and not being able to eat, worry. Calling ICU at 7. At 10.30 hrs. on my way to the hospital, worry. Quick bite of bread that tastes like clay, because one has to eat. Sitting and holding hand, wiping his face with a cold swab (what more can I do....), worry. Back home at 14.00 cause the boys need some attention to, worry. Eat something, yakkes! Feeling hungry, but seeing food is making me nauseous. Back to the hospital at 17.00 or 18.00 hours, worry. Sitting, holding hand etc...... Back home at 20.00, worry.... How is he going to get through this night. Calling ICU at 23.00 and of to bed, worry.
Dear blippers, thank you so much for all the good wishes, prayers and support you've been giving me through your comments. It really does help you know! I do feel I have to say something to some of you that might think I'm strong and admire me for that. I donn't feel strong at all at the moment. I think its just running on automatic pilot. All other things of life that might be hurtfull cann't reach me now. It feels like I've switched a button inside. The only thing that matters is that R. is getting wel. I cann't even seem to be able to cry out loud, is that normal? Thank you also for keeping up with my journal eventhough I cannot find the time to proparly follow yours.....

They have placed a Swan-Ganz catheter through R's heart to measure the pressure of the bloodflow (?) comming directly from his heart in to his Aorta and Pulmonairy arterie. I think this is the correct way to explain it. The numbers seem quite normal as for now.
Waiting for tomorrow.......

Spotted a Swan family on the road to the hospital. Meet Daddy Swan.

Oh, one year a go. my very first blip entry!