Split

I have a split personality sometimes, or wants you could say. You can see it in the way I dress - either a pretty dress, hair perfectly done and heels on or baggy jeans, rugby top and hat. Sometimes I manage to merge the two.

My motivations in/for life/doing is like this as well. One minute I want to be the best I can be, surpass and surprise everyone, be proud, successful but the next minute I just want to roll over and let the world pass me by while I'm at a stand still. Just want a simple life with no demands - sometimes as basic as getting out of bed.

I can't understand why I switch so readily but I allow myself one day a week of nothingness, well doing nothing important at all. If I have more than one day, I feel frustrated with myself, and almost scared, yet it becomes hard to control how long it lasts. I have so much I want to do, so much ambition within me, yet something seems to stop me sometimes.

Sunday was very hungover, but made it to Bathgate to catch up with family. Monday I had a successful day, bought a voice recorder (never realised how Scottish and young I sounded), reflected, confronted someone I should have awhile ago, got spray paints, stuff for T in the Park, did some electronics studying, picked up my samba's. Yet today, slow... nothingness. Well not completely true, got wellies, and visited a friend. yet I could have achieved so much more.