Toes

Again a smoke break at the hospital. Please donn't take to close a look at the toes, we both feel a bit uncomfortable about them. Left toes are R.'s daughter S's and the right ones are mine.
We now spend more time in hospital than at home. Fortunately, the boys are old enough to look after themselves a bit and even support their mother. They would very much like to go the hospital to visit R, but while he is still on a respirator my feeling says that it is too early. R. is still in the ICU. The doctors are keeping him under sedation. Although he continued to be stable he still has a fever. Yesterday it has risen to 40. Today the antibiotics started to work and tonight his fever subsided somewhat.

Lot's of things go through your mind when you sit at the bedside of the man you love. You think about everything you have been through together in the past few years. There is one speciall moment that keeps popping up of the time when we just met. We had agreed to meet on a hot summer day at a lake and suddenly it started to rain very hard. We were so in love that we did not care that we could'nt find shelter and we got totally soaked while holding each other to never let go. A lot has happened since then .....
The weekend before his surgery, we held each other tightly again, both wearing, his last words keep echoing in my head, 'when they make me to sleep I'll think of you'..
You know you love someone but at times like these you realize how deep that feeling really is. I was very afraid that he would not make it when he was in a critical stage and I can not imagine a life without him. He just has to get wel!

Hold me........

Thanx again for all your sweet words and comments in the last few days!

Xxx Caroline