....

it's funny what happens after a show...
doesn't matter if it is mine or someone else's.
there is the fevered pace, the anticipation and expectations.
the deadlines and the worry
the big pay off, the reward of completion.
and then the lull, the waiting, the hoping, the wondering.
and then it is over.
Time to start something new.
start the cycle again.

so I go back to my studio and I paint
and at once I am lifted and excited and hopeful again.
up and down up and down.
Working for free most of the time
trying to bank the love and appreciation
without getting bitter when I can't pay the bills.

They know I will keep painting, keep making, they know I have no choice.
they have the choice and the power- they do not have to buy my work.
and I am on a loop.
I am grateful to feel, to experience my time in the studio, the wave of excitement as something is being created as someone somewhere connects to the art and to me.

these are thoughts going around in my head. I quiet them but they are always there.
I work for free and all the time. My job knows no hours. There is no closing time.
I can't escape.

I better get to the studio.