happy

i'm reminded of a conversation i had with laura. i reference it over and over again because of the way it reverberates with me when the situation calls for it (i think most of our conversations have a way of imprinting themselves on me, but that's another entry altogether).

we take on big things. our goals and ambitions: the things we expect to get out of this existence and what we expect from our work. and, more importantly, i think, the kinds of things we consider to be our own, the tasks and roles that we take on for ourselves. so we lead our lives in such a big way because we count solidarity as a truth. but we also have to deal with the seemingly simplistic aspects of individual lives: making enough money to get by, being good to the people we have the privilege of having in our lives, protecting them, and taking care of ourselves - physically, mentally, emotionally.

and i remember that we became angry. because some lives don't unfold along this sort of duality.

but what i'm saying is that i think the best way to combat this, to understand the injustice of it, to turn such negativity into positivity, is to learn how to be happy with what it means. and i'm not talking about momentary, fleeting gratification like satisfying simple urges with material solutions. or being content with the present situation, as it stands, with all of its subtle and not-so-subtle means of subjugation. but i mean satisfaction with the idea of a purpose that transcends the boundaries of just ourselves.