Glimpses of light

As I was very tired yesterday all day after the horrible night before I felt like crying in the evening again. I felt the pain wave swarming over me and I cried. Afterwards I felt peace. I could sleep. I woke up a couple of times but I always fell back to sleep. In the morning I felt like rested. That was a wonderful feeling.

I called Joel if he'd go out with me walking. He agreed and we went to Lauttasaari. There was a cool brisk wind and we listened to the waves breaking on the shore. The sun was shining and the sea glimmered. We talked and walked. I felt lighter than I had felt so far on this strange and dark journey of separation.

Today I have experienced moments of freedom. That has been quite an odd feeling. Only yesterday I was in that black hole. The crying and giving space for my pain has resulted in these new feelings of lightness. Glimpses of light.

We spotted two very calm swans swimming in the sea.