Snakes and Ladders

You can tell the World Cup is staring you in the face with the cranking up of all of the faux/to-ridiculous-extremes patriotism. Slightly bizarre that Carlsberg can be so Anglo-patriotic given the company is, well, Danish. Though I have to admit the ridiculous portion of their advert with a pathetically patronising nod to Sir Bobby was even more annoying.

And on Sky today, well you expect the news crews to be covering the team leaving these shores (ooh, look, there's the team and they're, erm, going out the departures gate, er, um... that's it...) but today they were at Heathrow because some fans were leaving today. Oh, and then they spoke to two members of a brass band going out there, and apparently the thing everyone knows England fans for is the playing of the Great Escape theme tune.

Really?

Bear in mind I'm English and an England fan, but by eck I hate the World Cup. Perhaps it's to do with living in Scotland and having to put up with the chip-on-the-shoulder xenophobia that proves you're a true and patriotic Scot (even if I really truly honestly can understand why the media coverage would wind up the other constituent members of the United Kingdom. And Ireland. And France. And pretty much the rest of Europe); but it's also partly to do with the fact that I always hate to watch my own teams play - fair enough as a Newcastle fan you get used to losing, but there's always a hope, that moment at the start of the match when you're actually still drawing the game... In the 1990 world cup I had to go and walk the dog every time a game went to extra time. Belgium (David Platt, yay!); Cameroon (Lineker's penalties); Germany (damn damn damn, Waddle's penalty is still going up...).

'86 is my first world cup memory. Not allowed to stay up late for the games in Mexico (I was 10) I'd sneak on my black and white telly, one with a dial to turn to change channels by tuning in like an old radio, in my bedroom. I can remember shouting 'he hit that with his hand!' (Fi, if you're reading this, I may have to invest in a 2009 French shirt with Henry on the back... hah!) a fraction of a second after the fact, not understanding how the referee, who was watching in colour, could have missed it.

Pop quiz: in the '86 world cup Lineker was top scorer in the tournament, and indeed only one other England player scored, which was...?

Actually, that thing I said about hating the world cup, that was a lie. I love it. How can you have memories like that and not be filled with nostalgic revelry...?