Are Bananas OK?

Imagine the scene.

I arrive in school today to find that, technically speaking, I'm in charge. OK - that makes me nervous straight away. What if I make any sort of bum decision...I'm for the high jump.

It also makes me nervous because I have to lead staff briefing. It is getting easier, and I shake less now than I used to, but I hate doing it - standing in front of my peers and speaking just terrifies me, even now. That all stems back to an evil teacher when I was third year juniors at Primary School - mocked me for fluffing my lines in an assembly...never forgotten it. I am so scared of being laughed at (unless of course I am TRYING to be funny, then I am scared of NOT being laughed at. I am a complex human being!).

Anyway, after briefing, which was efficient and didn't involve insulting anyone (except perhaps Geoff, but he's used to it), I went to bark at the late children and make them run like Forrest Gump to the main gates that I was pretending to close (ever.....so......slowly.....). Then I did lates duty with my colleague, Anne.

Hence the blip. Anne has recently been diagnosed with some hefty gallstones and has to have her gallbladder removed. It would appear, now that we have put symptoms into the equation along with known facts, that previous incidents with Anne's health might have come down to these babies. Clearly, not these ones specifically, as these ones are mine, removed 5 years ago this month, and kept as a macabre and interesting reminder of why crisps and fatty food are BAD. Doesn't stop me eating bad foods though. (EDIT: For scale...this stone is about 1.5cm diameter and weighs only 1 gram. I had 4 of them which filled my gallbladder)

So we had a long chat about foods and how I managed for 4 months from the first incident (which incidently was misdiagnosed as possible heart attack) to when I finally gave up and added £5k to the mortgage and went to Bupa to have the buggers taken out. I lost 3 stone over four months - but then I was a bit heftier back then! Good way to get rid of baby weight. Hahahah.

Half an hour later, whilst sat, minding my own business, staring out of the window and wondering when the newspaper would be delivered (so that I could read it before engaging in putting practice) the phone rang. This posh voice on the other end simply said

"hiya. It's me. Are bananas OK?" says the voice
"Sorry?" says I
"Are bananas OK?" repeats the caller
"Are what OK?" I ask.
"Are bananas OK for me to eat"
At this point, I am genuinely wondering who the hell is on the phone. Has an outside prank caller come through to me? Has one of my colleagues got nothing better to do (says she) and has decided to make mischief. So I ask the obvious question
"WHo IS this?"
"It's ME" says Anne.
And suddenly, as much as it could do when having a conversation with Anne, the world made sense.

So, Anne, this is for you. You WILL manage - you just have to take it easy and avoid fatty stuff, and find out what your triggers are. Once the operation is done, it will all be fine.

xxxx