The day has been off. In my studio since 8am with the promise of work and connection but instead a sense of disconnect and loneliness pervades the space around me. Sad songs spit out one after the other from my stereo. The strange sense that I am forgetting something or that impending doom is close. Where is this coming from?

[flashes of strange dreams vivid and scary, something about a cult, skin, and running away]

Up and down, acting stable all the while, I always feel bad when people see the cracks. Three paintings on the go- backgrounds nothing more. I'm scared to move forward. What if the white series dries up before I am ready. I am just getting started, I am not ready for it to be hard just yet.

There is something missing or some one. Some one is missing, perhaps from the world at large or from my life. Whoever, whatever you are I wonder if your ghost is watching me as I write, and if it is, I want you to know that you are missed...