Room 101

Perfectly functioning junctions being replaced with mini-roundabouts with traffic lights on. The singing accent of Kate Nash. Booking a half-day holiday to go to a job interview only to be told during the interview that the salary of the position being offered doesn't match the one you're on now "but hey it's a great place to work" (it happened to me several years ago). Window cleaners missing bits. Loose chippings masquerading as newly improved road surfaces (and unrealistic and slightly unsafe 10mph speed limits on said roads). Arachnophobia. The smell of soggy cereal. Chocolate breath. Those little stones that get in your shoes but never shake out. 'there is an item waiting for you' notes delivered through your door asking you to call in to the local royal mail sorting office but when you do you find there is a charge because of the stupid new postal charging system (then you pay said charge only to find it was a piece of junk mail). Pints of ale that are filled till they spill over the glass. Restaurants automatically adding a tip onto your bill without asking. Materialism (it's the thought that counts, not how expensive it is). Pens that don't dry quickly. The cost of petrol.

Ben Elton.

Dog poo on pavements. Social security benefit swindling. Deli counters in supermarkets. Cups of tea first thing in the morning (Baarforama). Speculative news coverage of events that haven't happened yet. 3d holywood style news graphics and zoomified weather maps. Premier League wages. The term 'friendly fire'. Political Correctness gone mad (e.g. it's a blackboard not a chalkboard - always has been, always will be). Mika. Other countries referring to the UK as 'England'. Instant coffee granules. Artificial sweeteners in toothpaste and mouthwash. Ticketmaster (robbing bastards). 4x4s used for nothing other than dropping kids off at a school which is actually within healthy walking distance. Gordon Ramsay, (hyperactive). 'Pretend' medical sounding trademarks such as 'Boswellox' and 'Bifidus Digestivum'. Cheap balloons that make your cheeks hurt. Marketing 'professionals' who think they know how to design but don't. Jo Whiley. Brella-brella-ella-ella-eh-eh-oh-oh.

And Microsoft Powerpoint - an absolutely TURD application and the sole reason why I applemac'd my way through a non-stop 14hr day and didn't leave work last night till just gone half ten.

[the picture may be pretty naff but it was all I could muster]