Empty.

I am empty & beautiful.

Today, I went around my house photographing the different trees and flowers that we have planted. To me, everything I took looked like nonsense.

Last November, I made a declaration:
"I love photography.
The kind of photography that's worth
a thousand and one words.

Captured emotions.
Provoking thought.
A glimpse into the photographer's soul."


Since Racheelz, Serendipitous, & I emerged as the ones always with cameras in their hands in our community, I believed I could never "take such cool pictures" as them. I believe I never had the creative eye, creative ideas, nor artistic sense.

This roots down to something larger. I've always felt this way all my life: I have interests. Many interests. And I take the time to do them. But I never excel in anything.

I've always been a good violinist, a good dancer, a good singer, a good actress, a good runner. I've never been a great anything, however. Sometimes I'd peak out on top for one thing or another, but not long enough to sustain any label. I don't need to be the best; No, I'm not looking for that. But it'd be nice to have something of my own. And in this way, with my time and energy spread out over every activity I could think of, I am able to feel empty.

When I got my first very own DSLR, I tried imitating the photography styles of Racheelz and Serendipitous. I don't think imitation is bad -- it's a way to potentially find my own style. But the more I did that, the more I felt I was lying. Lying to whom? Iono. Myself? My friends? Facebook?

So today on my mini photoshoot, I made another declaration. Capturing the cherry blossoms and the flowers weren't "a glimpse into [my] soul." I don't have a care for nature. Sure, I think they're pretty, but...it's just not me.

The photograph I decided to use as my first Blipfoto, I personally believe, is trash. It has no creative content, no special lighting, no nothing. Just some words, a purple flower thing, and chalk.

But it's okay. Because as a lousy, amateur photographer, this is me. This came from my heart.

My declaration is this. No more of trying to be Racheelz or Serendipitous. I am not. And I am sick of trying to be. I'm going to find who I am as a photographer, as a child of God. This first Blipfoto marks yet another beginning of seeking my identity. Maybe then will I really come out as beautiful.

I hope you'll join me. :)