Today

This is the local corner bakery: one of the few places doing well during all the tram upheaval. Whenever I go past there seem to be tram workers going in or coming out with hot pasties and iced buns.

As I passed it today I was feeling pretty rubbish. I'd completely forgotten it was 'breakfast with Santa' at M's 'after' school club (although clearly in this case, before school). This was one of the few days we could look forward to a good natter as we walked (normally it's a mad dash and drop off from the car as I race to work). However, we remembered we'd missed it ("my last ever ever chance at junior school" as she sobbed) just before leaving the house. So it was a grumpy silent stomp instead. And then I walked home with that 'most rubbish mum ever' feeling.

I know it's relatively trivial, and of course she was smiling again when I collected her, but these few weeks leading up to Christmas do take their toll somewhat - as, I'm sure they do for all separated families. Particularly on those years when children are due to spend actual Christmas elsewhere. It seems, even after several years now, to take Herculean amounts of mental strength to ensure that Christmas for J and M is, and remains, sparkly, as I remember it to be; and for me not to get taken over by that anxiety that gnaws away from the inside.

So that's why forgetting breakfast with Santa felt bigger than it needed to be.
Of course it will all be fine. J and M will have a lovely time. And I will remember that it is get-through-able without, finally, too many tears, remembering that there are folk with far bigger worries than this, and focussing on the nice bits of doing Christmas rather differently.

And anyway, one of the promises I made to myself after I'd started blipping, was that this was a way of recording the positive, happy, interesting moments of each day. So my moan here is done and gone (apologies to anyone who decided to read it). Hereon in will be happy thoughts sprinkled with glitter (and anyone with a daughter will know just how long glitter hangs around......)