I don't know.

I think I look smug. But aside from the fact that I really didn't want to but went for a run anyway I have nothing to feel particularly smug about. maybe instead of a bitch resting face I have a smug one.

I have been questioning my dreams. That defeats the purpose of having dreams, and it also makes it quite depressing; because what's left if you have nothing to dream about? Reality. That's what's left. And who needs reality? Pah.

I'm not saying it's rational, but I was once asked if I believed I would only get a certain amount of happiness in my life, and without even thinking I said: Yes!"
I then got signed up for 10 more weeks of therapy.
But that's what I believe. Still. I believe there's a finite amount of Everything in the universe. I've bargained with it: if I have to lose my cat, the Beloved should get the job. Like my happiness has to be balanced with unhappiness.
Balance. I don't understand why some people get everything and others get nothing. I don't understand why that's okay. If we would all get a little bit sick, wouldn't that be better than some people getting debilitating illnesses that ruins their life completely (but doesn't kill them)? If people would have 3 children instead of 17, why wouldn't that leave 14 for would-be parents that otherwise would remain childless? If people are already so very successful, shouldn't the rest of the available success go to other hard working, deserving people?*

When I rule the world I will make it a nicer place.
Maybe not so much for the people who have everything, but most certainly for the people who have little.


*These are rhetorical questions - I'm not expecting answers.