zippadeedooda

This is what happened.
I was walking along the Clyde into town today and suddenly I hear screams. In a flash I nip behind the nearest tree and appear in my King weewilkie getup: Crown cut out of a cornflakes box, crayon coloured, large Y-fronts outside my trousers, my jacket arms tied together around my neck to make a cape.
Another scream.
"Hurry weewilkie," I shout to myself, "there isn't much time!!"
"Holy Zip-wire, I think you're right!!" I reply emphatically.
Along the waterfront I run, arms and legs akimbo, throwing children and cyclists out of my way. An unfortunate jogger gets cowped over the railing and into the river.
"There's no time for that !!" I cry, trying to distract him through confusion.
Yet another scream. Coming from the Finnieston Crane.
"Gaah! They're trapped up there !" I scream helplessly at an auld woman looking at me strangely.
"Who's trapped son?" she asks.
"What.. ?" I reply looking around meaningfully and nodding sagely before realising she's talking to me.
"Sorry.. what? Are you addressing me?"
"Aye. Who's trapped son?"
"The helpless ladies. Can't you hear them scream?"
"Och, that's just a charity thing they're doing. A zip wire across the Clyde."
I find myself nodding and looking around again.
"Sorry... what?"
She repeats herself just as another scream comes and I can see the screamer zizz across the Clyde. My head drops.
"You alright son?"
"King."
"Eh?"
"I'm the King. Can you no see my crown?"
"Och that. I thought your wee wean had made that for you to cheer you up."
I shake my head inconsolably. I start pulling my underpants off my legs.
"I mean.." the auld woman goes on seeing how deflated I am, " it's a very nice crown. And you do look rather dashing in it... your eh.. majesty."
She sees my mood lift. I look her in the eyes. Another scream from overhead.
"Do you really think so? You're not just saying that are you?"
"Oh no, no my liege. Do you want to lean on me to get those Y-fronts off?"
"Would you mind?"
I get them off and then untie my jacket arms. Last of all I take the crown from my head.
"Are you going to be alright son... King ?" she asks me.
I can't meet her eyes now the crown is off. I throw it into the water only for the wind to catch it and land it back at my feet.
" I..I... just wanted to fly and save someone." I'm talking into my chin.
"I know you did so..your majesty. I know you did."
Another scream. I pick up my things and shuffle off, passing beneath the charity screamers. I take my regal superhero garb into town. Fingers crossed for a mugging.