my mum

half way through our little holiday i took mum to a funeral of one of my dad's cousins. i didn't know him very well but i was very emotional. in a completely selfish way, it was good for me as i've been suffering from a bit of emotional constipation when it comes to my dad. the only way i can describe it is like a wound, a burn wound, that is completely numb in the centre, but is painful around the edges. so when I think of dad directly, i don't really feel anything, but things quite distantly related brings out a response. and this has been showing itself in my body as this heart trouble i've been having, like severe palpitations. a few weeks previously my gp had seen my ecg and told me i have a long qt segment, where there is too long a gap within the heartbeats, and she said "so the danger is, is that it can just stop". this didn't do too much to ease my stress! everyone was brilliant at letting me have a few days of rest, and this along with a good cry, a day back at work, a game of netball and a whole lot of yoga helped things settle down. i think i just have to watch that i don't let myself get too tired and/or stressed. easy!