Butterfly central here!

Hmm, I think I am looking forward to finishing here. Bit scary to think of going back into the scary emptiness that I see my life as, filled up with things to distract me.

I convinced myself to get out of bed by reminding myself that I could go back to bed from 11 or so. It was good to be able to have a good nap and some down time. I was fairly anxious but managed a couple of hours of sleep. Then I went for a nice walk with Joan, as well as seeing a bit of Amy and Zoe.

I started the day by not even trying to talk to the girls as I felt too awkward and embarrassed after what I had said in my testimony last night. But somehow I fell into talking to them a bit (which made it feel like less of a thing) and tonight I felt like several of them were positively nice to me. Good lesson in that, I suspect.

I won't list all the worries and anxieties of the day but one thing that got me in quite a stew was this morning's bible study on how to pray. It made me worry that my prayers were useless. Andy straightened things up in my head by saying God loves to hear me speak to him just like a father is delighted when his daughter starts speaking.

I think I really struggled with tiredness this evening. I also had hoped to get my 1-1s started but plans had to change. This got me quite anxious and stressed. I can trust God is in control though. I feel better now I have worked out new times to see the girls.

I've also worried lots about how others view me. Trying to remember that it isn't what they think that matters. God loves me and, in fact, the gospel irons out our differences and enables us to love other believers with greater ease. We are siblings in Christ. It is hard to feel satisfied by that but I guess I can pray about it.

And now I might consider sleeping...