O Captain! My Captain!

In celebration of Robin Williams' life and work

I made this picture to pay my respects to the American actor Robin Williams, who died on Monday. He was one of the comedic geniuses of our generation. The cause of death, as reported by the press, was suicide, following lifelong battles with depression, alcoholism, and addiction.

While Williams died on Monday, the news didn't break here until mid- to late afternoon. Apparently I wasn't online very much Monday evening, because I first learned the news when I got on the computer Tuesday morning. I was surprised and shocked.

Mr. Williams had so many talents, such mental and verbal energy. He was a man overflowing with decency and plain old human kindness. It seemed as though he should have had everything to live for. But the news reports indicated he had battled daily with feelings of depression and anxiety, with alcoholism and addictions. How could we have never known?

In honor of Mr. Williams, and in celebration of his many contributions and body of life's work, here is a picture of me standing on my desk at work.

Why am I standing on my desk? you may ask. Let me begin to explain.

I am a lover of movies, and that is how I best got to know Mr. Williams. I will add, though, that I was also a fan of the TV series Happy Days, and Mork and Mindy, where Mr. Williams got his start. His comic genius and creativity were amazing; many of us had never seen anything like it.

In the movie Dead Poets Society, Williams played the role of a literature teacher named John Keating at a boys' school. In the film, Keating teaches students to "Seize the day!" and to love literature (and perhaps especially the works of Walt Whitman). As I was a literature major in my undergrad days, you might not be surprised to learn that this role would mean something special to me.

In one scene, Keating stands on his desk and invites all of the boys to join him, one by one. He says: "I stand up on my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way." He tells the students they may address him as "Mr. Keating," or "O Captain! My Captain!" from the Walt Whitman poem of the same name.

Later, forced out of the job he loves, Keating returns to the school to gather his personal items before leaving for the last time. As he walks out, all of the students stand on their desks in an act of solidarity with Williams, each one shouting out "O Captain! My Captain!"

I've included a link to a short video clip of scenes from the film Dead Poets Society to help illustrate the story I've posted here. You will find many other clips from this film on YouTube if you want to see more. This one includes the final scene of all of the boys standing on their desks in respect. I join them now.

This is my tribute, as well. Mr. Williams, this one's for you: O Captain! My Captain!

I am standing on my desk as an act of respect. I honor your life and your work. I celebrate the best of all of what you were and what you gave us. I thank you for the many kindnesses, large and small, many of whose stories are just now emerging. I grieve the loss of your talent from this world. I pray for your family, for peace and comfort for them and for you.

If you want to honor Mr. Williams' life, and you don't feel like clambering up on top of your desk to do it - and I'm not saying you should; you'll note I doffed my shoes to get up there, and before that, I had to move four stacks of papers even to get the desk clean enough to stand on - I'd like to suggest you do some act of good-natured silliness in his honor.

I'll leave it to you to think up what it should be. If you want to come back and tag me to let me know, I'd think that was just grand, and I'd come by and have a look and a laugh. I promise. And maybe by laughing together, we'll feel just a little bit better somehow.

On a personal note

I don't usually make postings of the serious sort here. My pictures tend to be photos of pretty nature scenes, interesting creatures I have met, crittergator dioramas, or photos of my cat. I try to keep Blip as my happy place. The moment I capture for the day, I try to make a positive one, something that when I come back later will make me - and maybe others - smile.

However, this was the only photo that I took on this day.

My message to accompany this photo is this: Many people are walking a hard road, carrying burdens (or wrestling demons) we don't even know about. Even people who seem happy, every day. Even people who make other people laugh, every day.

Every family - every family - has someone or knows someone who has struggled with depression, alcoholism, and/or addiction. These are terrible burdens to carry, terrible demons to fight. Wrestling them involves struggling with feelings of anxiety, anger, and self-doubt; fears of being secretly unworthy, unlovable. It may involve feelings or actual activities of self-harm.

Surviving these demons - nay, besting them - involves picking one foot up and putting it down, consciously, deliberately, every minute of every hour of every day of every year for a lifetime, one step at a time. It may involve professional counseling for many, self-help for some, medications and other kinds of interventions for others. It involves finding reasons to go on, daily. It is exhausting but important work.

Let me tell you that you are not alone. Let me reiterate - as the Bloggess Jenny Lawson says - that "Depression lies." It tells you that the world is dark and bleak and that nobody loves you and that there is no better future waiting, no reason to hope for a brighter day.  It tells you that the pain - be it mental, emotional, or physical - will never end, that it will win and you will be vanquished.

These are just a few of its lies. Don't give up. You are loved. Yes, tomorrow just might be better; and if not, maybe the day after that will be. Hang in there. If you are struggling in the darkness, don't let today's darkness be the end of the light. There's so much beautiful stuff here to miss out on that's worth the pain of hanging around; I promise there is.

The song to accompany this day's image is a message of encouragement to any out there who may be struggling with these kinds of issues. I'm including two of my favorite versions of this song, but there are several other covers out there that are also lovely. Kate Bush and Peter Gabriel, Don't Give Up. And an alternate version featuring Peter Gabriel and Tracy Chapman.

Please . . . don't give up.