Tesco don't do weather forecasts...

But if they did, they’d probably be as good as their Code of Ethics in Dealings with Suppliers.

When I saw the leaflet for their steak, wine and barbecue Bank Holiday bonanza on the damp mat in the porch, I knew that we were on track for a three day wash-out.

Bastards!

Why wouldn’t they organise a wellies and raincoats festival, so that we’d have a guaranteed scorcher of a weekend?