London

I woke up this morning at 9m, after only 6 hours sleep as I didn't get home until 2:30, and then went to bed at 3am.

I left the party feeling trepidacious about the fallout, but it was actually quite empowering to say what was on my mind instead of always brushing it under the carpet. I was unloading on the taxi man as he picked me up from the boat, and he agreed that I did the right thing and I had every reason to ask that question.

When I arrived at Waterloo, it was 12:30am, and I realised that I would have to take the very last train, the lovely 01:05 :-) As I had time to kill I phoned my mum, as she had already texted me to ask if I was back. We had a bit of a chuckle as I told her what had happened, and I remember saying that I felt ok about it now, but I would probably feel worse tomorrow.

I got to talking with a taxi driver who was waiting for someone in the station, and he was telling me all about his romantic disasters. I'll chat to anyone who will listen, so ended up telling him all about my night. It was a bit weird, as he ended up giving me his number, as we both had been so unlucky, and out of politeness, I took it, knowing full well I would never use it. He was close to my dad's age, quite rough and with a beer belly. Nice guy though.

I made my way to the train, and carefully parked myself opposite a guy my age on his way back from the cricket at Lords, and an ageing rocker who had been to a festival. Despite being 30 years old, I got an expletive-ridden phonecall from my dad, who heard from my mum what train I was taking, and told me I was a "f***ing idiot" for getting off a train at 2am on my own and then walking 5 minutes through town to get my car, despite the fact that I do this a lot, albeit with guy friend by my side.

I agreed to get off closer to home and pick up my car tomorrow, and my mum came to Farnborough station to get me. My lovely mummy. I felt like a teenager! We sat outside and chatted in my car for a bit when she dropped me home.

The rest of sunday I was so tired, I did virtually nothing. A couple of weeks ago, somebody recommended a new app, Happn, for meeting potential dates, and last week I matched with a guy I really liked. We had semi-arranged a date for today, but I figured it wouldn't happen, and I would have to ask him.

But while I was getting ready this morning he messaged to say he was still free, and could we meet this evening. We agreed to meet at 7pm at Waterloo, as he lives in Clapham.

I got ready and went to meet him that evening. I had thought last night that the way to make things better would be to write a handwritten letter of a apology to guy friend, and just pop it through his mailbox on my way home later, as I had to go to his place to pick up my car.

While I was on the train, wrote everything I had been feeling in my best handwriting, and explained how I felt. I threw in that I valued our friendship and hoped that we could repair it, as well as saying what a great guy he is. I really thought it would make things better.

I met my date at Waterloo, and I knew when I saw him I quite liked him. He was tall, smelled and looked great, and had a South African accent, despite being half Dutch. We chatted easily, and decided to have a little walk by the river, to find somewhere to go for a drink. He didn't know the area that well, but I remembered a place I'd always wanted to go to when I walked past it with guy friend, a bar/restaurant called Las Iguanas. There was a 30 minute wait, but we decided to have a wander and chat while we waited for our table.

We both liked photography, and I snapped a couple of pics by the river. There was lots going on, as it's quite busy there. We walked back to the bar, and had a good chat and tried to choose food and drink. Without realising, I broke my "no-food-on-a-first-date" rule, but it was a good thing.

We had a lovely chat and meal, and stayed for a couple of hours. It was really good, and certainly one of the better dates I've had. It was drizzling as we left, but he had a big umbrella which we both walked under to get back to the station.

He kept me talking at Waterloo, and waited for me until my train was there, which I thought was really nice. We made plans to meet up in a couple of weeks when he's back from his holiday, and I texted him and thanked him for a lovely evening.

While at dinner I felt a bit uneasy, as I kept thinking, "but he's not M", but tried to rationalise that you're not going to feel comfortable 100% on a first date. But I think on guy friend's and mine I totally did. :-/

I caught the 10:30pm train home, and wander back through town to guy friend's apartment. I took a last look at the envelope, and then pushed it through his letterbox.

I really thought this would make things better.

But in hindsight, all it did was make things worse.....