Hello

I've been thinking a lot about body image recently. About the impacts of how I view myself.

A few years ago there would not have have a photo of me, let alone one on the internet for others to see, others to judge.

A turning point was getting married in 2009 for the first time in ages I had to be in front of the camera and you know what I even like some of the photos I was proud to show them off, being 'fat' did not matter.

I have always been large and I have been bullied. But illness meant that more weight piled on. But why does everything has to be defined with how big or indeed small we are, why is it portrayed that happiness can only come from a magic number - your dress size preferably in single figures?

I came across a plus sized blogger and that's when I really started to challenge my view. I have curves I have wobbly bits but more importantly I matter.

My self worth is not related to what dress size I wear.

As a fat person I have been constantly plagued but the well meaning comments of oh you look good....have you lost weight?

Er no.

So er can I only look good if I lose weight!?

And then somehow people make assumptions about what you do and your motivation. I started running, I started running for reasons of health, I have a long and complicated set of health issues and I had a real scare of what my future could be like - barely able to move and on an ever increasing cocktail of meds. I need to move to keep moving.

But I got asked how is your running/trying to lose weight thing going?

Er the running thing is going great thanks. The point was never to lose weight, not gonna lie if I do then that's a bonus. But why does everything I do have to have this hanging over it? Does it make my achievements any less?

So this is me taking each day as it comes trying to learn to love myself a little more.