ONE GREEN BOTTLE

You know when somebody's had quite a lot of one or two drinks and they fancy something to eat from the fridge before they go to bed in the small hours?
And you know how pyrex explodes when it hits a hard floor and sends tiny shards of glass to far-flung and unexpected places?
And you know how if the pyrex bowl was half full of pasta salad, that too will be scattered far and wide?
And you know how the person who dropped it has bad eyesight and is not known for noticing mess and dirt even in normal circumstances?
And you know how when you go into the kitchen first thing for much anticipated Sunday morning croissant and coffee you're greeted by a bloodstained floor which crunches a bit, and fragments of cucumber and squashed peas where you least expect to find them?
And you know how the culprit victim of this terrible accident eventually wakes up late morning and says "I think I broke a bowl last night. It just slipped out of my hands, but it's alright because I cleared it all up."?
And you know how when they see your expression they then tell you how fantastic the new f*****g pickups on their new f*****g guitar are because they think that will cheer you up?
Well, that!!!

Grumpasaurus rex, as one of my friends says, or in my case, regina. I'll be going out for coffee and cake this afternoon… probably on my own.