If Light...

Joni Mitchell - If

Today was my "Me" day. I set some things straight to put back on course in the right direction. Went to my Japanese lesson; my teacher is incredible. I haven't studied properly for 8 months due to changes in my life. I've had no motivation to pick up the books to improve myself, perhaps because I see no reason to learn Japanese at this present time. Despite taking my lessons every week and registering myself for the JLPT, I know ultimately I will never be truly fluent. Nonetheless, there is still energy for me to try and become a better person. Living in Japan, and for 4.5 years now, I desire to be a better communicator. So I know I will change and become better, I'll let it happen naturally without forced effort.

After a wonderful lunch with J, I proceeded to do my day. I went to my usual favourite shops and sent messages to close friends then just took the day as it came. I want to improve at work and improve my self-image so I can better myself and those around me. My power has a short periphery but day by day I slowly extend it naturally. It will be greater and better without me even realizing it.

For the mistakes I've made, I acknowledge and use it as tools to steer me back on the right course. The past simply cannot be changed and I can't squeeze blood from a stone by wanting things I've desired in the past to make up for my supposed lacking in the present. It is done and all I have is now to re-direct myself towards the ultimate goal; speaking truthfully and faithfully towards my own sense of worthwhile good. It's funny that I ended my gallivanting in the city with a trip to the cinema to finally watch X-Men: Future Past. For whatever reason, the media that I consciously expose myself to has sincere adherence to my current state of emotional affairs. The new X-Men has more brevity than I expected in my current life.

I didn't like X-Men: The Last Stand, Brett Ratner is an emotionally immature director despite having necessary skills to make a big film so it was amazing to see X-Men: First Class to completely take the film franchise to a higher level. I loved the new X-Men and I especially love Michael Fassbender as Magneto. I have loved Magneto since the films began (Ian McKellen is the MAN!) and Fassbender was amazing replicating aspects of McKellen's style as well as doing his thing.

Sometimes I wish I could change the past to change my future, but living in these two realms does not surmount to living in the present. Were I to continue being victim to these prisons it would mean not living at all and denying myself from expressing what I truly am; another common person with the power to be myself. Things come and go but I will be present to live it until the very end. Yes, I'm ranting, but that's what I do.