Then

Photo taken in the late 1970's.
My cousin sent it to me yesterday on Father's Day.
Unexpected.
A surprise.
A gift moment evoking rich memories.
Not sure when this photo was taken.
Or by whom ?
My Uncle Bob, probably.
At what family gathering ?
I think perhaps my parents 40th wedding anniversary in 1981.
There was always an extended family party for those big life events.
That was the tradition.
But where was the photo taken ?
Where is MA ?
Where is KB ?
Who else attended this party ?
Time past and time present.
Time lost.
And time found.
"Starting out", then.
The ambition to teach driving much in my life.
Not really seeing beyond that.
But... not "not seeing".
I need to remember that.
Not intentionally blind.
Not uncaring.
But not balanced enough.
Lopsided in my deep interests.
Lost in my work ambitions.
He was my mentor.
My thinking partner.
My best friend in so many ways.
My role model (even now).
His book and journal remains unpublished today.
My task is to complete that work.
Act 3 is now (I know that).
No time for fluff.
His passing, years later in 1995, "threw my off my horse".
I still feel his loss, his absence, his invisible presence.
Now, the grief is more abstract.
Distant.
Philosophical in a good sense.
His Valley Green Messages memorialized.
Attending these days, more and better, to "others" needs.
Helping.
Stumbling at times.
Finding joy in their joys.
I am learning to "see", slowly but surely.
Pure seeing.
No projections.
More lightheartedness needed.
Discipline.
Positive rituals and everyday routines.
And learning to act on his Valley Green messages.
"Unconditional acceptance".
"Fragility".
"Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find".

Grateful for this photo Matt sent.