Day 169

I spent the morning sleeping and passing time playing games while feeling fearful and nervous about seeing Tim. I told myself I just had to ride it out and it would be over soon enough. The rest of the afternoon was looking fairly inoffensive. I don't think the quantity of chocolate I ate helped my mood.

Seeing Tim was awkward and time did drag a little. But then it was done.

I went to help Charlie with some maths but began to really lack energy or motivation. I felt pretty wiped out which reassured me that I was ill until I realised it probably had a lot to do with not having had lunch and just binged on chocolate.

I forced myself to church. Other than being hungry, I coped with the service extremely well. This off course worried me but I tried to remind myself that I often find it very hard to sit through the service, especially if there are too many people around me. Also, tried to remind myself that the GP and psychiatrist say I am ill....but what if I have given them false information? But I have prayed about it...I think it is alright.

After church I chatted to lots of people. I think it stirred some anxiety or awkward feelings in me but it was mostly alright.

I felt unsettled as I arrived home and didn't want to watch anything with my housemate as we had semi arranged.

I retreated into my room and tried to reply to texts. I found this fairly stressful actually. I spoke to my mum but was very irritable with her.

I got a text from Alice saying she had been sad. This stressed and saddened me - but not as much as it would have done before.

What can I do as a friend to help her?
- pray
- meet up with her
- text her to encourage her

I'm doing all of those. But that won't necessarily fix everything. But I can't necessarily fix everything. I can only do my best. I'm not God.

Right now, she is sleeping so I needn't communicate with her. Tomorrow, I am busy till I see her in the evening. So, I can pray and maybe send her an encouraging text during the day. I will do that and try not to feel stressed. I guess it is nice that I feel sad that she is sad. But I can take encouragement from the fact that one day there will be no more sorrow and all her tears will be wiped away. She will be ok and so will I.

I think I need to flatten some ladders as I worry about her being sadder than me...