May Sisters’ Challenge; MAP

MAP: Miserable All-day Precipitation.

This is the view from my study window. Nice view huh? In spite of the rain. Or perhaps because of it; it doesn’t usually look this green. The house is L-shaped and there’s a hidden veggie plot off to the left.

That’s the Grand Union Canal just beyond the wall, which runs from Birmingham to London. I’m interrupted in my reverie by a telephone sales call trying to sell me house insurance; “do you live near water?” I mention the canal. The call is quickly abandoned as the sales person tells me she can’t sell me her insurance because of the potential flooding problem. I’m tempted to ask what flooding problem - (canals don’t flood in the way that rivers do) and stop myself because I realise this is a quick way of getting rid of unwanted phone calls.

Now, the lawn might look as if it was laid out when I’d been at the vino. Perhaps I was under the influence, because it reminds me of summer holidays; Gites, rotisserie chicken and glass or two of plonk. I mentioned it to Helen when she visited a couple of weeks ago; “you’ve made your lawn into a map of France”.

Follow the line of black bricks up from the bottom left-hand corner - that’s the Bay of Biscay. Turn right at the fire-pit and you’re heading up the Channel to Calais (Dover being the back gate). Carry on clock-wise and you pass Belgium before heading down past the Vosges and the Alps. You hit the Med by the time you reach the Azaleas and then continue along the white slabs at the bottom which form the border with Spain.

The shape of France is a roughly a hexagon; my lawn is roughly a hexagon. Therefore, by the principles of logic laid down by Aristotle himself, my lawn must be a map of France.

If you can’t visualise it, a glass or two of wine helps. I rest my case.