Cornwall to Cairo

I estimate that I've been on around fifty flights in the last four years. Generally, people behave very well on flights but there are two particular things that make my blood boil when flying:

1. people who unbuckle before the plane stops so they can be the first to get their hand-luggage.
2. people who use their mobiles the second the plane touches down.

What time advantage is gained by grabbing hand-luggage before anyone else? What's wrong with people that they can't just leave their fucking mobiles off for an extra ten minutes? Lucky me on today's flight home: the guy next to me not only satisfied points 1 and 2, but was also a fat snoring cock who claimed both arm-rests as his own.

If I could justify/afford first class, I would.

Stepping through the gates to arrivals, and I was greeted by the stale stench of BO and cigarette smoke before being escorted through the barriers by my wasta guy.

Deep breath.

Keep Calm and Carry On.