Day 125

I went to see Katherine and her girls at 3.30 for tea but until then I was entertaining myself. Being by myself was bearable but hard. I did lots of things on the internet in bed. I worried a little over tea but had quite a good time.

I arrived at church only to remember my despair. I was very anxious and on edge during the service. It was hard. At least I felt the joy of the promise of eternity with Jesus. Just got to get through this hard life first. But he is with me and does help me.

I went for a spontaneous meal afterwards with several church people. I spent most of the time talking to a girl who is over from South Korea to learn English. I quite enjoyed talking to her. Almost because of the language barrier! I think I felt like there were many things I could talk about because of our different backgrounds and then the conversation was drawn out as we tried to understand each other. Anyway, it felt less awkward than talking to others for the first time. I felt anxious or low a little bit, especially towards the end. Guess I got quite tired.

I'm home now and in bed, but very restless/agitated and anxious...unsure why. Tired, yet very awake... Feeling a bit all over the place, like I need to do stuff, but what? Not relaxing well.

The psychiatrist is going to be unimpressed by my massive lack of mood ratings...so:
Morning d-4 a-3
Afternoon d-5 a-5
Evening d-5 a-6
But, to be honest, I'm just not convinced they are accurate...