"changes..."

Tonight I was reminded of the reason why a shy, 18 year old girl went to university....

Reminded by my ever dependable voice of reason within the chaos of indecision, 'God's path', my parents hope/longing for my well-being and happiness, as well as my own hopes and dreams, I only wish I had heard these words earlier in the week when I was so lost. They reminded me that this did not sound like the 18 year girl who went to university, and still doesn't sound like the 24 year old hob version of her either, who has only ever aspired to be one thing in her life....

....but perhaps not in March 2014....

They say to always follow your heart. If I followed mine right at this very moment in time it would most likely become more fragile and more broken than it already is and I can't risk that! Would I be following it for right reason....?! I was offered what I have only up until now ever dreamt of, but for some reason there is something niggling away at me, holding me back from grabbing my dream right here, right now.

I wish I could put my finger on exactly what it is that is stopping me from taking this leap of faith into the unknown. I haven't taken such a leap since the day I accepted my place at Abertay University back in 2008! Scary at the time, but I've never looked back since. Is it the small hope of a research project? A creature of comfort who doesn't like change? Wrong timing/location? Or just pure fear of what might be and what would await me in the months to come that I currently have no control over..?

Whatever it is, I hope it will become obvious sooner rather than later, because I was also reminded tonight that you should never be scared of change, you should always embrace it and perhaps because I'm not embracing it, that this change isn't mine to take....

# Trust - Christina Perri #