Trying to win

There was no doubt in my mind; today would be the day I did my first proper run outside since last November. Not only was the weather supposed to be nice, but it's also exactly one year since my first ever run outside. I wanted to show myself how far I've come since that day.

So, I put on my running leggings, shoes and shirts and out the door I went.
It was quite hard at first, but then my legs got used to the hard surface and my lungs were able to handle the cold air.
I smiled a lot. Even as I had to hike up the leggings that were trying to quit on me. Look world! I'm RUNNING! In LEGGINGS!
One road, two roads down I went. I said hello to neighbourhood dogs, jumped out of the way of cars. Oh glorious euphoria!
I felt like a gazelle, outrunning the lions in the Serengeti.

Then I made the mistake of looking at my phone to see how I was doing.
It was like someone climbed in my brain and turned a switch. Bye, bye light 'n lean gazelle, and hello hang-boobed thundering elephant! What the hell do you think you're doing? You old fool. RUNNING? Ha! Hahahaha! Why bother? You're obviously a failure! Look at you, there's old ladies with walkers going faster than you! Why don't you just go home, bake a nice cake and eat it? Eat it ALL!

To top it all off, at that precise moment I saw a small black dead cat on the side of the road. *gulp*

Now, I know I'm not an elephant. I'm not writing this for people to assure me I look good. I'm writing this because I did NOT cry and stumble home with my tail between my legs to hide under a blanket and eat cake. Even though my instinct was to do just that.

I ran on.

I thought about last year and how far I've come. I didn't care how slow I was going, I was happy I was going forward! And then I saw an elderly woman in front of me, slowly walking with 2 crutches, and I felt grateful for my working body, my legs, my lungs, my senses. Everything.

Though maybe not so much the part of my brain that appears to hate me.