Deep Fried Jokes

A trip to Calendar on a grey, wet, cold and dreary afternoon was brightened up, as always, by a trip to our favourite Fish and Chip shop in the town. Not to eat Fish and Chips but rather to see what new jokes have been posted in the shop window since our last visit.

We were not disappointed today with their latest addition of a very useful curse:

May the fleas of a 1000 camels infest the crotch of the person that screws up you day and may their arms be too short to scratch?Amen

Other past favourites include:

TEENAGERS: Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? ACT NOW! Move out, get a job, pay your bills while you still know everything!

Missing Wife and Dog: Reward for Dog

Nobody notices what I do, until I don?t do it

I can only please one person a day, TODAY IS NOT YOUR DAY, Tomorrow doesn?t look good either

And finally my personal favourite:

The Jack Schitt story

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.