DDW Challenge; esculent - fit to be eaten

ceci n’est pas une pomme (after Magritte)

I have a thing about apples. These apples are not real; they’re plastic. They might seem out of place in a challenge where the subject should be deemed ‘good enough to eat’. However, as Magritte has shown countless times, things are not always what they seem.

I became ill a few years ago. I had an operation which - to cut a long story short - left me unable to eat fruit and vegetables. All I could digest was protein, fat, sugar and dairy. Luckily it was not to be a permanent arrangement, but I would have to wait 18 months until the procedure could be reversed.

Now despite what Homer Simpson might think, a diet of pies, pizzas and doughnuts is no fun. Apart from anything else, it’s the colour that’s missing from the plate. Everyone else was tucking into plates full of reds, yellows, greens - mine was predominately beige and white. I began to crave - and rave about - the things I could not have.

These polymer pommes, once a tacky souvenir from a French market, were a constant reminder of forbidden fruit and I became fixated on apples. I used to fantasize about eating them. In a supermarket I’d want to shove my face in the apple box, like Homer J. at the doughnut store (hhaaarrrlll - sound of Homer drooling). I used to worry that I would end up an apple stalker.

As the time for the reversal drew near, Annimay would be despatched to the shops to check for Granny Smiths. Had they been in short supply, I think these plastic imposters would have been esculent enough. Thankfully though, about a week after surgery, I was reunited with the real thing. Apples. hhaaarrrlll….