Morning Light

Woke at 1am after 3hrs solid sleep then woke every hour after that. Got up at 5.30am. By 8.30 I had put a wash on, done dishes and tidied around me. Was kind of chuffed with myself as I did it all without wanting to stop and sit down. Was feeling quite good this morning; this surprised me.

The sun was shining so I decided to go a walk. Showered and was out the house by 9.30am. Drove to S Queensferry and walked some of the Dalmeny walk. Got to a point where there was a good view and a bench. Sat in the sun and was aware of the birds chirping, the wind blowing my hair gently and the sun on my face. It was lovely.

Turned round and headed for a pot of tea and a read of my book. My concentration is shocking just now and only took in a few pages.

If the day had ended there it would have been great. The afternoon was so different, have been so emotional, low and have had unhelpful thoughts. I have tried to sleep several times but it didn’t happen.

I don’t understand.