Another early start making it a long day.

I had a quick visit to the beach this morning before going into my counselling session. I more or less saw the reflections and took a shot, not a good attempt at all. I really wasn’t up for it, far too tired and numb.
There is a lot in my head and the time either ends or I don’t feel I can say what I feel. I hate myself for this. A few times I wanted to leave the room today. I felt the start of a panic attack, I couldn’t catch a breath and I was sore. It didn’t come to a head but I wish it had as I am still feeling the same symptoms.

Tonight at Mum’s ….Aaaarrrrrrrgggghhh. Tonight I hate my life.

This day last year was the proper start of my High Court Jury Duty. If I had never done that I wouldn’t be in this situation today.