My hearts been feeling weak the whole night. With each and every irregular beats, it steals a breath away.

I've had this heart problem since high school. Went through three doctors and none knows what's wrong with me. Except that my blood pressure goes high before it goes into the stage of increased heart beat, difficulty breathing, then sudden decrease of beat. In those 10 minutes of this, I either freak the people around me out or

I think about death.



Not in a suicidal way.

I've thought of the topic of death since high school. And with this physically mysterious heart of mine, it's a thought that pops up sometimes.

But it's because of this heart of mine, that it reminds me of my place and my time on this earth. That it's all temporary. That time is precious. That every breath I take, especially when my heart acts up, is an act of grace. I may die tonight for all I know because I can't even breathe regularly right now.

Well since I can't sleep, I can't help but think that if I do die tonight, what do I leave behind? Have I loved, cared, and even forgave enough people that I can say my life was lived to the fullest? Have I served my Savior faithfully?

I used to be ashamed of this heart because of the limitations it has placed on me, but not anymore. I'm grateful for this weak heart of mine. It has and continues to humble me.

I'm grateful.