Where I am from. Where am I bound ?

Down at Port Glasgow today. The sky Gestapo grey, a dreich and dour Sunday. This is where I grew up, where I return to often. I love this landscape and I walk along the shoreline of the Clyde with a high, incoming tide and a question mark.

Where am I bound?
In a week's time I move out of the family home that I've stayed in since the breakdown of my marriage and into a new flat. My flat, just me and the kids. It seems like the start of a new thing in my life. So often, I've felt I've been house sitting these past years. Waiting in the ante-chamber of life, waiting to be called through and life to re-establish itself. I've felt a bit lost as to who I am know, who I was 20 years ago before marriage. Is he still inside ? What kind of life would he want ?

I've struggled to re-align my life to singledom. My face bears the half-life of space and time, yet my heart beats like a lamb. I have bounded and sprang after poor lassies that really don't need that kind of stress from an auld yin. How to show a tender heart with the face of a wolf?

So, I need a better use of these energies I have and this journal is my attempt to spend them positively, honestly and creatively.

Onwards.