Cross

I am a very cross person. But, come the glorious revolution, when I am King, the following will be first up against the wall:

People who amble along the towpath impeding the progress of people trying to beat an arbitrary target for this particular mile of their Sunday 10k.
Selfish runners who are impatient with people out for a gentle Sunday morning stroll along the canal.
People who close their Farm Shop/Cafes at 4:00 on Saturdays even though some people will arrive at their Farm Shop/Cafe at 4:03 in a state of thirst and cake starvation.
People who advertise a Saturday closing time of 4:00 for their Farm Shop/Cafes whilst, in smaller print, announcing a 3:30 closing time for the cafe part of their Farm Shop/Cafe expressly to catch out the people who arrived at 4:03 last time and thing that they'll be OK if they arrive at 3:33 this time (in a state of thirst and cake starvation).
People who say "no" when you offer them something but who change their minds if you say "oh go on".
People who say that they are "a bit naughty" when they have cake/chocolate etc. If they scribble with crayons on the wallpaper, then they are being a bit naughty.
Chuggers.
Muggers.
Cheeky buggers.
People who, despite having no qualifications or special knowledge, dispense "lifestyle advice" in weekend newspapers.
Authors of "self-help" books. Parasites...
George Osbourne.
People who run the lottery - taxing the desperate.
Caravaners.
People who move out onto the overtaking lane because they want to turn right in three roundabouts' time (bit of a Milton Keynes-specific one that).
The people who produce and present The Food Programme on Radio4 (-these will not be shot, instead they will be force-fed artisan-cheeses and locally-sourced vegetables until they explode.
Same for Gardeners' Question Time.
And You & Yours.
People who drive along at 90mph on the motorway with one hand on the steering wheel and the other propped against the window (I don't mind that you will kill yourself, pal, it's taking other people with you that I object to).
People who install car park ticket machines that don't give change.