Epcot

Slept in.

Got in an argument with mom about dad that upset me a lot. He's clearly not ok. I'm not ok. We just make each other more fucked up. What do I do?

So here we go. Break up officially. It's been happening for a month. He changed how he talked to me. It didn't come out of the blue. It was such a nothing good happens after 2 am text. "I was hoping we could talk about some things this afternoon?" So that gave me a few hours to mull over the doom-ness of the situation. I was stuck on the what happens after even if he can come in March? issue. We talked for like 15 minutes. He verbalized all I'd come to see as true. I cried, for the second time through the whole ordeal. Just because it was final. I don't know how to go forward. Every inch of rationality inside me says I need to stop talking to him. So I'll try to do that. It's gonna hurt....a lot.

"Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said.
"Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.

This John Greene quote has been on my mind because him and I really did fall out of love. But then that makes me wonder about the complete irrationality of love because keeping the distance promise is so, so difficult.

We went to Epcot today. The Japanese restaurant and the fireworks were definitely highlights.

I feel worn out.