Driven demented?

No longer able to hear yourself think with the noise made by those pesky juvenile invisibungeeing seagulls?
Don't waste another minute. Peace of mind is just one mouse click away.
Clamp-o-gull* is the ultimate accessory at the forefront of gull bungee-jumping prevention.
Don't let your quiet suburb be taken over by winged adrenaline junkies.
Clamp-o-gull is made from weather resistant grade A steel mesh, with alloy hinges and a locking system capable of withstanding 1,000 millibars of pressure** developed by the NKVD in the 60s to handcuff suspects.
Easily installed, it comes in 7 different shades of grey to blend in with your everyday Irish sky.
So show two fingers up to the trendy charadriiformes and show them who the real boss in the hood is.

* Patent pending
** It's metric... don't bother. For those who really insist, it's equivalent to the pressure of a gull breathing (not to hard) on it ... or 1 (boring) Atmosphere


Ladder not included. Repeated use of Clam-o-gull may lead to your house being petrol-bombed.