Badge of Courage

She slid into the corner next to the door, mopping her denim dress along the floor. I note to myself the hole in the left knee of her green woolen tights. Did I send her to school that way? Maybe she acquired this at morning recess? I tuned back in to my conversation with the doctor.

"Mom, I want to leave NOW!"

"Alyssa, stop being rude, your doctor and I are talking. Don't interrupt."

More head strong than usual, "BUT MOM, I can't stay here another minute!"

"Well, Alyssa," I say stoically, yet trying to appear upbeat, "your doctor wants to examine you and see if you are still ticklish. You can't go back to school until the doctor says you are healthy. Right?"

As I pull her up on my lap, she quickly retorts, "I don't want to go back to school. From now on YOU can be my teacher." Furrowing her brow, she drilled her fierce blue eyes into mine.

The doctor patted the padded examination table, "Okay, Alyssa, hop up here and let's check you out. Now, let's listen to your breath. Would you like to hear your heart beating?"

"Is that my heart?" Momentarily lost in wonder...

"Yep, let's have you hop down and show me your back. Can you bend over and touch your toes? Can you hop on one foot? How about the other one? Well done. You are super duper healthy."

"Good." Already tugging on my arm, "Mom, let's GO!"

"There's just one more thing, Sweetie."

"Nope, nothing else, I'm healthy. Let's go now."

"Sorry Alyssa, it has to happen."

Complete meltdown ensues: "But Moooom! I don't want to get a shot! It will really hurt. My arm will fall right off. Let's go. Hurry, before the nurse comes in!" Crossing her arms, tucking her chin to her chest, shear panic spread across her face. "The last time I got a shot it really hurt and I just can't have another one. Please, Mom, please!! NO SHOT!!"

Then the nurse came in and Alyssa let out a full-throttled scream. "There's NO WAY I am going to have a shot! No no no no no no!"

The nurse was really nice and patient, gently telling Alyssa the three things she can do to minimize the pain. One: hug Mama & let her hold your arm still. Two: close your eyes. And, Three: blow out a big breath to relax. Simple, right?

I tried to calm her, hugging her hard, my mind racing to find a way to relate it to her.

"Alyssa, do you remember the first time you went down that big tall water slide at the pool?" Her crying slowed and she looked up at me dripping buckets. "Remember how scared you were because you didn't know how it was going to turn out?"

"Yes," she whimpered.

"Well, remember when you got really brave and decided to go down that slide anyway?"
Again she nodded, understanding what Brave meant that day. I could see she was getting it. And I couldn't help but to relate to her frustration and fear. I felt her desperation. "It was so fast, you were splashing in the water before you even knew it. You were thrilled and excited. It turned out way better than you had thought. It wasn't bad at all, right?"

I looked into her eyes and I almost lost it, seeing her anxiety and feeling her complete inability to stop this from happening. My eyes started to well up and I knew that if I didn't pull MYSELF together there would have been two blubbering girls for the nurse to deal with. Trying not to let my daughter catch my eye, the nurse did instead. I started to feel a bit flush with self consciousness...

"Okay, Mom." Dropping Mom in a tone of complete surrender.

"No worries, the shot will be over in one two," I snapped my fingers, "and it won't hurt like you think it will."

The nurse added, "That's right, Alyssa. Can I touch your arm right here?" She gives it a little pinch. "It will feel a little like that and it will be super fast. I promise."

Regaining a little confidence she asks, "Well, how many shots are there?"

"Three."

"No way! I will only do two. No more!"

"Well, let's start with the one and we can go from there..."

It was over in a flash. Thank goodness the nurse was a real pro. Alyssa was delighted with her prize, a sticker of The Littlest Pet Shop, one of her absolute favorites. Better yet, she examined her new band aids, "Oh Mama! It's Snoopy! Lewis is really going to be impressed NOW!" and she can't stop chatting all the way home.

So, crisis confronted and met head on. Alyssa had a sore arm for the rest of the day and milked it for all she could. This morning, she is the first one up.

Pride written all over her face.