Soup soup and more soup!

It's amazing what a fridge full of left over veg can make. Hubby has been really busy today on his day off making enough soup for dinner tonight, 3 tubs for the freezer and his lunch tomorrow!! With the weather started to get colder we may well appreciate this over the coming weeks.

I always seem to be apologising for absence on here but have decided that I can no longer beat myself for not doing a blip a day as I should do and everyone else manages to do and try and blip as often as I can now. I have had to make my peace with that. But I know I need to make more of an effort.

The weekend just gone has been a rather interesting weekend because it all started with a bit of a meltdown. My husband informed me some friends of ours were to announce they are expecting twins. He told his friend that although I would wish them well I would be upset about the news. I am not sure what set me off but I was inconsolable for the rest of the evening. I think part of me was touched that my hubby had acknowledged how it would effect me and that meant so much to me. I do think sometimes he despairs of me because I do take things so bad and I often wonder if he feels that I should be over all this baby stuff by now as we had made a decision to move. I think it meant a lot that he knew it would be hard to accept and he was thinking of me.

The other part of me found this news more than any other hitting me hard. These friends had been struggling to fall pregnant and I don't be grudge their news because I want things to work for them. But it was just another reminder that we have struggled and it never worked for us. Medically there is nothing wrong with both of us but I suppose just not compatible. Whereas these friends have medical issues and it still works for them. And to top it all they are having twins too! I am not a selfish person and Ido wish them well but I have found this news hard. It's another reminder that we are childless and they I am failure. A failure to conceive that we were put on this earth for!

This was topped by a visit from hubby's sister and e hasn't seen her for about 3 years after a big falling with his family. She is trying to build bridges and since having her baby she wants to try and rebuild her relationship with my hubby. Which is understandable. But I was concerned because of the aftermath this visit may cause.

The other reason was because his family are heavily into kids - especially his parents which all they want is grand kids. As two of theirs live far away they were looking forward to his sister giving birth. Then she gave them the grand daughter they always wanted. So I just knew that would be mentioned! Although it was nice to meet our niece and she was beautiful I found this visit challenging. And it was mentioned about her giving her mum the girl she had always wanted. Another reminder I am a failure.

I did read with fascination the story of he baby giraffe who was healthy but was put down because she did not have the gene to breed and therefore was no use. It made me think of my situation - we are put on this earth to conceive and continue the human race. It's just so sad when some people don't get the opportunity.

After the visit I was fortunate to spend some time with my family - an evening of food, drink and laughing until I cried. Over the weekend I have cried through pain and hurt and then from sheer hilarity and laughter. I know which I now prefer and want I move in from this low point. The rest of the weekend was about spending time with family and made the rest of the time more cheerful and happier.

Thanks for listening blip world!