One word 'Trenchfoot'

Actually it is two words but that would not be such a dramatic title ..
I feel sullied by nature ... Look I realise this trench foot is all my fault as I forgot my walking boots when Tits McGee collected me for a romp around Oversley woods .. It's a four mile pathway in an oval shape and you can romp through the woods .. But not today because when we arrived I was in my CROCS !!! God dammit MY CROCS .. I decided to just go for it and the worst that could happen was wet cold feet ... Ohhhhh those poor soldiers in the trenches .. How I sympathised after my toe got wet and then some of my nail varnish chipped .. WHAT A PERFORMANCE ... Also whilst I am screeching .. That dirty old dog Tits only went and misjudged the dog poo bag and got it on her hand .. The poo I mean ... Not just the bag,if it were just the bag we would not have shrieked and screamed like two iddybiddy babies being attacked with sticks in the middle of nowhere and then LO' someone I know appears out of the bushes with his girlfriend .... Guess our poo shouting seemed to upset the muddy snogging ..
AND ANOTHER THING ... We encountered a couple and the man shouted 'who wants a sausage' as he emerged from the undergrowth .... WHAT THE HECK ? Was he offering group sex ? Well if he was he needs to get a bit more in shape and wear a cleaner anorak x
Tomorrow I am on a course with Tit's,Ninja and Pidge in the wilds of Northampton .....