8 weeks old - Afterpains and gummy smiles

I can hardly believe that Etta Lee is 8 weeks old. It feels both a long time and no time at all, such is the warped view of one sucked into a sleepless, exhausting, all encompassing vortex that is a new baby. Third baby or not, it is quite shocking how tiring and time consuming babies can be.

These past 8 weeks have been, unsurprisingly, tough. It has at times been wondrous and heartwarming as you experience the euphoria and relief that comes with giving birth to a perfect wee being and the endless possibilities and excitement for the future that a new baby brings. The powerful primal urge to love, protect and nurture this stranger that you feel you already know. Also witnessing the reaction of siblings and their immediate unconditional love for the newest member of their crew and seeing a unique personality emerge as your newborn cub rapidly develops into bonafide human baby. At other times this 8 weeks has been dark and unrelenting; dealing with paralysing post birth pain and the never ending merry go round of broken nights and constant feeds that slowly turn the world a shade darker, breaking down any remaining confidence you may have had and increasing your emotional sensitivity. The feeling of groundhog day and that you didn’t really want to be back here again and 'what the hell was I thinking???' Attempting to get out of the house with three small children each with their own specific demands and dealing with yet another stranger that has taken it upon themselves to feel disappointed on your behalf that you had ANOTHER girl and not a wee boy.

All this conflicting emotion and tiredness was set against the backdrop of the festive period where things had to be done in an attempt to keep all 'magical' when all you really want to do is walk around in your baffies, stinking of musty milk shouting 'HOW MUCH MONEY FOR ONE FUCKING DAY???' at the top of your lungs...

That said, however, I am beginning to calculate that all these trees I have been endlessly seeing are actually a wood as perspective returns to its rightful place. Having done this a couple of times before I know what the first unpredictable 8 weeks is like and know to just put my head down and get on with it.

Etta Lee has started giving something back now as she awards us with gummy smiles and cooing stories, her first attempts at communication. Her eyes flash with mischief and fun as her sisters entertain her with their songs and jokes and she now plays for longer periods of time, giving us a glimpse of future independence. We are beginning to determine what she wants with her different cries as we are all getting to know her.

The first 8 weeks are mental but so fleeting and sleep deprived, the human brain tends to forget the horror but also some of the good bits too. I have never been a tiny baby fan but it does feel in some ways a huge privilege to be entrusted with this wee persons first few days and to witness the incredible development achieved in such a small space of time. Bring on the next 4 weeks and then we will be out of the trees and firing off into the clearer distance and whatever that may bring.