Demons

My demons came calling last night. I woke at about 2am feeling anxious and disorientated. Heart racing, dizzy and sweaty. My vision was blurry and sound distorted. Nick took both my hands in his and encouraged me to slow my breathing and be calm. Even though it barely lasted two minutes it was extremely frightening. I have only ever had one panic attack before this, nearly eight years ago. As with this it came out of the blue and was very distressing. My doctor insisted I was depressed. I insisted I wasn't and refused his all too quick offer of antidepressants and began a long journey to find out why I was feeling so unwell. It took two years to be diagnosed with an under active thyroid and within four months of taking thyroxine daily I felt like a new woman.

Last night was a wake up call. I know that stress can make levels fluctuate and the last few months have been very full on. Time to make an appointment and get sorted.

In spite of this, today was a good day. It's hard to remain frightened of something when you know what it is. And good to face things square on. For a moment I wondered whether I was slipping down and that thought alone was enough to pull me up. I could have stayed in bed and pulled the cover over my head and thought I just won't do today. But I got up and we all went in to Edinburgh as planned and had lunch with Nick's family to celebrate a birthday. I'm glad I went.

Logging on this evening and reading all your great comments for my blip yesterday was good for the soul too. Thank you all very much. Forgive me for not commenting this evening, but it's E to B. I'll see you tomorrow :-)