Pressure

Put on myself by me.

Last night I was starting to get agitated and nervous about today’s plans and took ages to get to sleep.

Today I have not coped.

First off was to meet friends in the Botanics for a wander then back to theirs for lunch. Woke with the alarm and fell back asleep. Ended up texting and cancelling the Botanics and it was suggested I just go for lunch. I fell back asleep and woke 2hrs later. I cancelled lunch. Even lunch with good friends didn’t give me the motivation to get up.
I got up later and instantly starting thinking about what I missed this morning and felt so annoyed with myself. Tonight’s plans were also on my mind. It all got too much; my heart was racing, and I felt agitated. It ended up with me self-harming, phoning Breathing Space and lying in a heap on the floor. Tonight’s plans are off too and I really wanted to go. I hate this.

I know I need the company to make me feel better but I can’t make myself get it.
A complete failure.