Against the Flow

Christmas shopping all done. If it wasn't for online shopping I just wouldn't do any.

Doesn't matter which way I walk, which aisle, which shop, if it was empty when I went in, the armies of discord will be deployed to flood the aisle and surround me with dithering, indecision, anything to break me.

I might go into an aisle for... random object.... spaghetti. The aisle is empty. I can see the spaghetti. There are a few choices of spaghetti but I don't really care. I want dried, normal size, spaghetti. But somehow... although the spaghetti is 6 foot away, and there's no-one else around, by the time I get to it (and I'm not slow), someone else has got there first!!!

OK. No problem. They'll go away in a minute and I can get the spaghetti. So I wait and idly browse the macaroni while I wait for the protagonist to pick their pasta.

But no.... Not only have they managed to spread themselves so that there is no way to stealthily grab spaghetti ninja style, they are also picking up every single packet of spaghetti... and reading the bloody ingredients. Peering over their long nose, a quizzical look as they decide.

Long awkward moments pass and just as I decide I'm going to get some lemonade and come back later somehow someone else manages to swiftly slip in sideways, grab spaghetti, and move on!!

How did they do that??? What the?.....?

Right - I'm going to do the same. And I do actually spot an opening as the spaghetti dawdler moves slightly left. I can see spaghetti. It doesn't matter if it's the one I want, bargain spaghetti, thin spaghetti, don't bloody care! It's spaghetti!

So I move in, arm goes in, hand open, it's there! It's mine! And spaghetti Sid suddenly blocks me, as if he hasn't seen me. But of course he's seen me.

I fall to me knees... YOU!!! You!!! He looks round at me and shakes his head 'Bloody nutter' he mutters as he wanders off. But I saw his grin. I saw that he 'knew' what he'd done.

And he didn't even pick any spaghetti.