Ugh

Dear Environment,

I am writing to you to both apologise for my actions today, and explain them with the hope that perhaps you can sympathise with my fatal flaw and forgive me.

To begin I must apologise for using bug spray displaying a picture of a dead tree and sunbathing fish. I can only assume this image tells me the spray works on trees and fish as well as generic 'crawling insects', but I did not have the opportunity to test this today. Having deployed the spray successfully on many ants, however, I can see that if I want to remove all fish and trees from the world this spray will help me achieve that goal. It is very good at killing things, especially creepies, but probably also swimmies and rooties.

But Environment I suspect you probably like the creepies, swimmies and rooties, and that's where my apology for using this spray comes in.

For many people spiders or snakes will push them off the cliff of sanity into the murky waters of unreasonableness. For me it's ants. Especially the little ones. So when I see a long trail leading through three rooms to the pantry do not be surprised when I respond with zealous irrationality. While I walk in that kitchen I cannot let them live. And if they do not retreat from threats of floor washing and mass stamping, they must surely know that a massacre will follow.

I sincerely hope they have learnt their lesson and do not return under my watch. Perhaps you could have a little word to them, let them know their survival chances under my reign.

Thank you,
Imogen