Train crash

There was a massive train crash on the Fife circle today when the Blossomhill express collided with a large, unidentified object. Emergency services were deployed but tragically met the same fate as the train. Eye witness accounts say that survivors did not stand a chance as they were subjected to unspeakable acts of torture before being cast aside, chewed and broken. The rescue helicopter, in a vain attempt to distract the creature, was plucked from the air and dashed to the ground in the blink of an eye.

There is a worry that Monday commuter services will be severely disrupted but a spokesperson did report that authorities believe the cause of the tragedy "Will leave the area on Sunday. We urge people to stay calm and lock up anything of value." It is thought it will return to its lair to feed and sleep in preparation for further exploration.

Beware, Andrew will be back.