Schrodinger's Bike

It could've be said that before I unlocked the padlock on my cycle locker to head home tonight my bike was either in there or it wasn't. Turns out it wasn't.

As I stood there staring incredulously at the empty space, letting the fact that it wasn't there sink in, I started to doubt if I had cycled in this morning and locked the bike in the locker at all. I had. Why else would I be standing there in all my cycling gear?

I headed back inside and told the janitor my bike had been nicked. We headed back out, him with his torch, to check. It still wasn't there. So, I phoned the police, reported the bike stolen, then phoned Hez to ask if she wouldn't mind coming to collect me. The cleaning staff had gathered by this point and were already getting ready to send out the feelers and bang the jungle drums locally. A PC phoned back and I gave him more details and he set up a crime reference number for us. I hung up, and the janitor came back with a bigger torch and his set of master keys and we headed back out again. We opened a couple of lockers. Nothing. We opened the third locker.

There was my bike.

I have no idea how that all happened. My key didn't open the padlock on the locker the bike was in; we tried. My key only opens my allocated padlock; we checked. We scratched our heads.

So, a quick and embarrassing call back to the Public Assistance Desk to ask to speak to the PC I'd just chatted to at length. "He's on the other line, can I help at all?". "No, I'd rather wait and speak to him direct thanks". He was very helpful and very patient, but he made me go back out and try my keys on all of the padlocks while I was on the phone, I think more as a punishment than anything else.

So, to all the staff that were left and saw me wandering around mumbling that some bastard had stolen my bike and offered sympathy and lifts, thanks, but all's good. The cleaners had a good laugh about it all and I shall forevermore be known as the fanny that lost his bike but actually really didn't.

What a fud. A happy and relieved fud though. Off to finish the rest of this humble pie I've been nibbling the past couple of hours (if I can find where I left my fork that is).