Pain in the ass.....

Well, what a day - I was going to tell you about the drunken shoplifter (who ended the day with shards of glass in his bottom)..... the incredibly handsome policeman (who let me have a go of his telescopic truncheon).....a very rude joke about Joan Collins (the punchline of which is 'her ankles').....and a possible sighting of Lord Lucan in the Bruntsfield branch of Oddbins (buying a bottle of egg-nog!)

But Masterchef is on, so I don't have time.....sorry.